I realized today that I've never actually sat down and written you a letter which I have planned to do since your birth but sadly have not been able to find the time.
Well Henry, you are now seven months old and love every inch of you! you are the most entertaining, beautiful, loving, hysterical, gorgeous baby that i've ever seen. I may just be biased but I cant get enough of you. When it came time to decide if I would continue working during the 2013-2014 school year it was a no brainer after I saw your face. I couldnt miss a day of you growing, loving and learning. You are a little sweetheart and there is no one in this world that I would rather spend all my time and energy on.
It absolutely amazes me how much I would do for you. When I feel like I've given all that I can, I find some miraculous way to give more. When I'm at my wits end and I can barely keep my eyes open, your cry opens them right up! When I see you, I know my purpose in this life and when I teach you or cuddle you, I know that, even though the path is hard its beyond worth it.
You are still so young and I know that there is so much that I don'
t know but I do know that I love you and I think thats all that matters. Everything that I do is for your best interest although it may not always seem like it, all I want is for you to feel loved and feel successful.
My dreams for you are very simple but they are the best dreams that you can have. I want you to grow up and be a real man, who is strong and righteous and true and loves God more than himself. I want you to get married to a wonderful women who will make you stronger and have a beautiful family who will support you and who you will support. Sometimes its hard to leave our childhood dreams behind but I can promise you that if you follow the spirit and teachings of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, you will be happy. Sometimes, in my low and exhausted moments, I look at you and all I can see are the things that I've lost, a career, a higher degree, more money, more artistic freedom, time... then I snap out of it because who really cares about those things!!! Of course those things are important but no where NEAR as important as loving you.
I promise you that I will not lose myself in you. I will give you freedoms to be you, if you will allow me to keep being me. I will let you fail so that you can learn of your strength and I will let you fall so you can learn to lean on your Heavenly Father. Life is not easy and I have a feeling that its about to get a lot harder but I will do everything in my power to shelter you and teach you the right way to live and love, but there will come a time and I will let you go and it will be very hard for me. I promise you that you will have to make decisions that you don't want to make and walk down roads that you don't want to walk but follow the light of Jesus Christ and you will be safe.
I can't wait to give you a brother or sister or both! This family is everything good that I will ever need. I will always be a phone call away, and although I will not allow you to ruin yourself or my family, I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. You chose me and I am forever grateful for that.
I love you my beautiful baby boy. I love you.
mama
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